Dear Son,
I miss you. You are a young man now and I know that this is the time where you are looking to explore what life has in store for you…..so there isn’t much time for Dad or parents anymore. But I still miss you. I am so proud of you. I am excited about what God has in store for your life. I see so much richness and future success for you. There is NOTHING you can’t do. The world is your oyster.
Setting aside the multiplicity of talent that God has blessed you with (which is quite substantial), it is WHO you are that I love. You’re sensitive, honest and a deep, independent thinker. You love God with ALL your heart and enjoy praising Him. Try to never lose that because it will be your light at times of darkness. Try to remember to pray daily. Those prayers will be FUEL for your life and give you ongoing communion with Him. Most importantly…….when you make mistakes? Never be afraid to admit them, apologize and make amends to people who you have wronged.
It has been an honor to be your DAD. I will always be here for you no matter what. EVERYTHING that I have is yours. You don’t owe me ANYTHING. It is I who owe you the BEST START in life that I can give to you, then God will make up the difference. I have had many successes in raising you and many failures.
Over the time that I haven’t seen you, I have had a lot of time to think about my failures. Most of them are probably pretty common and forgettable. But there is ONE that I need to confess. I hope that you can forgive me. And I pray to God that NONE of it finds any negative residual effect in you.
A friend of mine had a baby son recently. I called him to congratulate him. When the conversation had ended, he asked me for any advice that I could offer him as a DAD. This is what I told him.
“Be sure to love his MOM to the best of your ability. Honor HER with all your heart and and IN FULL VIEW of your son. Loving his mom is the BEST GIFT that you can give your son. Do that and everything will be well concerning him.”
It would be easy to rationalize the high divorce rate by saying,
“People get divorced all the time.”
OR
“You shouldn’t stay together for the sake of the kids. YOUR OWN happiness is more important.”
HAPPINESS is a CHOICE. People don’t ‘make you happy’, you must already be ‘happy’. When you seek happiness in others, you’ll spiral from relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship and NEVER FINDING the happiness that is ‘real and ‘true’.
Secondly, marriage and parenting is a sacrifice for the greater good and legacy/annuity of your family. When children see you fighting FOR the greater good (then overcome), they learn humility, courage and mature well. Commitment to family is more important than anything because it pleases God.
I am so intensely sorry that I failed in this important area. I did the best that I could at the time, but it wasn’t good enough. Because I did not follow the advice I gave to my friend, I failed you and your sister. I hope that you can find in your heart to forgive me and to continue to love me as your father. I love you and want only the BEST FOR YOU!
And lastly, as you move forward in your life…… Work hard in every area. Don’t be anxious for tomorrow……’hit the ball’ that is in front of you…….work through the areas that are most difficult because it is here in THESE PLACES that God is looking to grow and stretch you into who He is desirous of YOU becoming IN HIM!!
Love You Always.
Dad
Dear Mr. Gilliard,
When I read this letter to your son, I began to weap. I am a wife to a great man, and mother to a fabulous 3.5 year old girl. I am also an adult child of divorce. My parents split when I was 13. It was devastating and affected every aspect of my adult life. However, God is good and I am HIS…..just like your son. Chidren are given to us, I believe, to teach us more about God’s love as well as teach us more about who we are. We are not perfect. The fact that you are big enough to ask for forgiveness is huge. Your son will learn from that too! God already knew what your/my parents shortcoming were/are and He made allowances for them. His allowances are what we Christians call GRACE. It took many years for me to forgive my father for leaving my mom, me and my brother but I need only remember how many times God has forgiven me for leaving Him. As I parent I have learned that I am definitely not perfect. I have learned that we do the best we know how to do at any given time. Maya Angelou puts it best “When we know better, we do better.” Thank the Lord for growth, grace and mercy!! Thank you for this letter. I have never gotten this kind of apology from my own father, but I know that he wants to say it……he just doesn’t have the words I suppose. In any case, your letter gives me hope that someday he will. Be Blessed! Marlaina Sims-Powell, NY, NY.
Hi Marlaina.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. YOU are already a legacy and a testimony. Maybe God wants to use this letter as the apology you never received from your Dad. I have come to realize that my story is universal as are many of our experiences. God Bless You & continue to BE the wife God has called you to be!!
Thanks Carl for your candor and allowing us in to a very intimate part of your life. I am amazed at your humility and brokenness. What’s exciting about this though, is that God will use this open door that you’ve given Him to develop you into a more mature, loving and passionate father and man of God. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this process by looking into your heart.
T-
Hi Tinitia!!
How are you, my sister???? Thanks for your kindness, my fellow ‘walker’. I truly appreciate you.
Blessings to you and your family.
I have decided to print this letter and place it in both of my sons rooms. Their father did not write these words, you did..but as their mother I think it may plant a seed in their minds that men do dlove their famlies and that there are good men in the world that have fallen and realized their mistakes. I also forwarded this to my ex, i hope that in his own time and in his own way he can find comparable words to share with my sons as one day they too, will be men, and they should know how to walk and live in a rightoeus way..Thank you brother, you have renewed my faith
….thank you my sista!! Your comment has truly blessed me and encouraged me!! Truly….:)
Continued blessings to you and your family!!
Carl Gilliard.
Dear Mr Carl Dillard;
Thank you very much for writing this letter.This letter touched my soul.I am a male having a beautifull wife and two young sons .Though I love their mother but now onward I shall be more cuatious toward the factor you have mentioned.Thanks alot.
Mr. Gilliard,
Hi, I am currently going through a divorce. My wife and I have a beautiful 2 year old. She kicked me out to live the “fun” life. I am 22 she is 21. She has made it very hard to see my son and this letter has brought so many tears to my eyes because I know this letter is my future. I want you to know that this has deeply touched my soul. And while you will probly never see this post or even know I wrote this. Thank you. This filled me with love and sorrow all at the same time. I miss my little boy more than you know. He is my everything, and I have not been able to see him for 2 weeks. I live 3 hours away from him now and until I read this, I felt like my world was closing in around me. Thank you.
-Drew
Hey Drew…..
God bless you brother. Continue to be diligent and persistent. You and this Mother are pretty young. She can’t possibly understand the gravity of her actions.
Do not give up.
Your son needs you. Even though it seems divorce is on the horizon, God can still repair your marriage.
Pray for your wife.
Have you ever heard of the book, “The Power Of A Praying Husband”?
Get it.
Be Blessed.
Carl Gilliard