During the 15 years we have been married, my husband, Mykel, and I have had the privilege of befriending many couples and counseling more than a few. One of the sorest topics we have ever explored is infidelity.
Unless you have suffered through the agony of sexual betrayal by your spouse, the pain is difficult to imagine. It seems the humiliation is made worse when the offending spouse has engaged not in a mere tryst, but has sustained a long-lasting, sexual and emotional relationship outside of the marriage.
Since Mykel and I have personally spoken to more men than women who have cheated in this manner, we have been able to gain some insight into the behavior successful mistresses engage in that wives typically do not. Please note: This list is not comprehensive, nor the result of any type of statistical study, only the result of a very informal survey of the few men we know who have been willing to share this information with Mykel, myself, or both. Please do not confuse my exploration of cheating with my approval. Extramarital affairs are the ultimate form of betrayal, which cause lasting damage to individuals, families, and communities. They weaken the fabric of our culture and empower the enemy to wreak havoc in our lives as well as in the lives of our spiritual and physical seed.
That said, there are some valuable lessons wives could learn from “The Other Woman” when it comes to taking care of our husbands.
- Mistresses Initiate Sexual Contact
Yes, the man is the pursuer. When a wife pursues her husband sexually, however, it proves to him that she finds him attractive and desirable. It seems husbands enjoy being found attractive and desirable at least as much as their wives do.
- Mistresses Are Nice
It sounds corny, but a little kindness goes a long way. Big and tough they may be, men appreciate kind words and consideration. The more brutalized a man is out in the world, the more necessary it is for him to be treated with dignity at home. Terms of endearment, such as “Honey” or “Sweetie,” a pleasant tone of voice, or basic manners – saying “Please” and “Thank you” affirm a person’s humanity.
- Mistresses Show Interest In A Man’s Hobbies
Many extramarital affairs begin harmlessly enough over shared hobbies. While on his daily run, he bumps into her on the track. An avid reader, he joins a book club, where she happens to be a member.
If your husband enjoys football, try taking time to learn the game. If he fishes, subscribe to a fishing magazine and commit to reading an article or two a week. Investing in his hobbies can provide more common ground and an opportunity to grow closer.
- Mistresses Seek Out A Man’s Opinion
Is there an area your husband knows a lot about? Solicit his opinion and listen to what he has to say. I have a friend who follows local politics very closely. His wife consistently asks him to explain his position on various issues. She is very smart and has her own opinions, yet makes a point to ask her husband anyway because she is genuinely interested in his perspective.
- Mistresses Feed “Their” Men
In many households, microwave meals are the order of the day for husband and wife alike. If this is true for you and your guy, make hubby something nice once in a while. If you don’t cook, make him a sandwich, or buy him his favorite dish and bring it home to surprise him. The content may not be as important as the gesture.
- Mistresses Affirm Men
At a marriage retreat I attended a few years back, the main speaker encouraged wives give out what she called “Attaboys” on a regular basis (as in “Attaboy Mykel! You took out the trash!). Every husband in the room applauded his approval. Giving a man accolades for a job well done, or a simple task he did on your behalf, shows him that you appreciate his efforts. Accolades encourage repeat behavior. Repeat behavior makes for welcome habits. Everybody wins.
- Mistresses Know When To Shut Up
Giving your husband quiet time – especially at the end of a busy day allows him (and you) to decompress. During the course of your relationship, establish together how much is a reasonable amount of time for him (and you) to recharge. Do your best to respect that time.
Resist complaining to him about things he can do nothing about. Not everything you think as a woman needs to be said out loud to your husband. Do the bulk of your complaining to God. He knows, understands, and is able to affect change when your husband doesn’t, won’t , or can’t. If you need to vent to or unload upon another human being, call or meet with a trusted girlfriend, and give your man’s ears a break.
- Mistresses Wear Sexy Undies
Yes, granny panties are extremely comfy – but your husband does not want to sleep with his nana. Invest in one or two sexy outfits and make a point to wear them to bed periodically.
- Mistresses Know What’s Going On At Work
I am always surprised by how many wives have no idea what their husbands face professionally. For better or for worse, many men define themselves according to what they do for a living. Wives should know how that part of their man’s life is progressing, if for no other reason than to intercede effectively on his behalf.
- Mistresses (Sometimes) Buy Gifts
A token gift, a handwritten note, or even a phone call says, “I’m thinking about you.” Who doesn’t like to “hear” that?
- Mistresses (Occasionally) Pick Up The Check
It is more than okay to take your husband on a date from time to time and pay for everything. If you’re like most couples, the money comes from a joint account anyway. The gesture, however, is no less sweet. If you pay from your own account or allowance, then so much the better.
- Mistresses Ask For And Give Oral Sex
For many Christians oral sex is strictly taboo. There are as many biblically-based opinions on the matter as there are Christians. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, consider reading Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
- Mistresses Invest In Their Appearance
Between carpooling, grocery shopping, washing clothes, and wiping noses and/or butts, who has time for a shower, let alone a spa day? As a mother of four, ages 4 through 12, a writer, an editor, a volunteer, and a student, I know first hand how hard it can be to glam it up. Sometimes simply putting on a nicer pair of earrings (or any at all), choosing the t-shirt with fewer permanent stains, or painting on clear gloss, constitutes my investment for the day. The point is to put on something, or to do something for yourself that makes you feel more feminine, more beautiful, more confident. Baby steps in the right direction still get you there. Give yourself lots of grace as you go.
- Mistresses Say Yes To Sex More Often
I’m shaking my head because as I write this blog, my husband snoozes soundly in our bed – alone. I know what it is like to be too tired, too angry, too apathetic, too cranky, or too busy for sex. But consider this: Your husband is your first ministry. To him, your “no” is a rejection. Persistent rejection can lead to his losing interest in asking you for sex altogether (Why should he bother if you’re just going to say “no” anyway?). A loss of interest in you can lead to his turning to someone else for validation. Not a pronouncement – just something to consider.
I hope this list proved to be as thought-provoking to read as it was to discuss and write. It was not only interesting, but convicting for me to learn about the many ways in which mistresses affirm other women’s husbands. I definitely see areas where I can grow. If your marriage is in a secure enough place to do so, bring this list to your spouse’s attention and see what kind of feedback you get. If you learn anything interesting or helpful, share it by posting a comment.
Be blessed Family!
That’s a good list. I hope a lot of women read this blog.
You have done really well. Well done! wish my fellow ladies could read this and act on it, it will make our homes more blissful
Sis,great write up. Thanks.All women needs it & the man shud alwys tell the woman wer she needs to improve. Bls u.
Thank you for kind, non-judgmental comments about marriage and mistresses. I’ve been married 31 years. Both of us are Christians. We are also roommates now. God won’t let me leave and she won’t communicate. Everytime I think I’m going to leave, God stops me. It’s a long story how we got here, but I want us to move beyond here. I basically take care of her and household financially. She doesn’t have to work outside the house and doesn’t. But it’s gotten to a point where it’s gone from no sex, to no food, no clean clothes. She feels lead of the Spirit to take care of others. When she is in a spiritual funk she sleeps and prays. Nothing get done. I told her if I took that same poisition we would be in trouble because no money would be coming into the house. She wants me to include her in projects that I’m involved with, but she’s not dependable. She’s very smart and intelligence, but unpredictable. Sometimes the uniforms I need for work everyday aren’t cleaned and I haven’t worn them for two weeks. Puzzeling
I’m not cheating nor am I looking for anyone. I’m not gay and all of my body parts still function. It’s been going on two years with no sex. When I confront her she is evasive. I was messing around with some prostitutes awhile back, but not anymore. I believe that I am being punished for that. She’s part of the reason that I went to a prostitute. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I vialated our marriage vows. I tried to give her some lead way because of my misstep. I even suggested counseling. The most I’ve done sexual in the last 2 years is masturbate. I can do this alone and by myself in my own place. Sexually, I don’t need a wife. Everytime I talk about leaving, she doesn’t want me to go, but she doesn’t change. And be damn if i’m going to demand it or beg for it. If she doesn’t want me to have it freely, I don’t want it. What she doesn’t realize is that when she pushed me away sexually, it eventually pushed me away emotionally and there is no itemacy in me toward her. I’m tired of reaching out and being consider. I am now positioning myself to walk away. Before when I was going to leave the finances were funny. I’m positioning myself to remove that obstacle. I’m smart, resortful, dependable and not bad looking, but life is too short. I hope my wife see the writing. A few of the women around have.
My Dear Brutha, Not that I’m any kinda Counselor however, “You are the Captain of Your Destiny!” If You’ve given Your Love sincerely from your heart to your wife, and what you’ve said is true as to how she responds to you, then, I would say; Give her half of the two of your Assets, and move on. There are literally millions of women out there. And nobody said, ” Just because this woman was available to you, she would be the most compatible match.” Just like a Professional Job requires a thorough background inspection, when You meet someone else, take your time and learn who’s who, and what’s what! Before a marriage commitment.
Life is truthfully too short and too precious for ANYONE to waste on unhappiness (Stress).
You may change your paradigm in the matter of a split-second. It is simply the process of changing your Consciousness! (Mind) and let your a_ _ follow! ALL Due Respect! ~ Wadu
Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, God says in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself [a] with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” So when you divorce you are covering yourself in violence. And, exiting a marriage does not eliminate unhappiness. When two people are joined together in marriage; you are joined like “super glue” so when you break the marriage apart you, break yourself apart as well.
So in a Christian marriage when it gets too hot to handle, the couple should seek Christian counseling, pray together and individually for healing, and seek God. God is so much bigger than anything in this world. Let’s get Him out of the box and let Him have His way in our lives.
My pastor shared with us on several occasions how God dealt with him when he would go to God about something his wife did that he didn’t like or thought was wrong…God ALWAYS showed him areas where HE needed to change! My pastor said that God will always show you yourself. Not saying that what the other person did isn’t wrong, but you can only change YOU!! If you’ve already shut down emotionally in the marriage, how can things get better?? Even if she does change, if YOU haven’t then how is the marriage going to mend?? Fast…pray…and ask God what areas YOU need to change. ACT on what God shows you. Then watch His miraculous power at work!
As christians we really need to wait on God for total guidance and direction when it comes to marital issues and not partial… He alone is the manufacturer of marriage and He alone can help us. If we try to do it our own way, we tend toward destruction. Also, as women we really need to work on our character, attitude, appearance, spirituality, finance, etc. And most importantly we need to pray more for our marriage to be successful. The bible says the prayer of a righteous man availeth much. So go on your kneels today.
AMEN. Glad you provided that brotha with biblical instructions rather than personal feelings.
AMEN. Glad you provided that brotha biblical instructions rather than personal feelings.
Please know that there are consequences for our actions but God says in 1 John 1:9, “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Don’t let the enemy still your joy in marriage.
Seek God, confess your sin, and leave it with God. God has forgiven you, now forgive yourself. After dusting yourself off, seek Christian counseling, begin dating your wife (take her to the beginnings of your relationship, remember why you fell in love in the first place), and find out from God if there is anything else you need to do to better your marriage. The enemy wants to keep you as roommates. But, as assure as this message is being written God wants to heal your marriage and give you His joy which is strength and His peace that surpasses all understanding.
Walk in your healing today, my brother. We at walkingfaithfully.com are praying for you and with you.
Hi,
im a young woman living in Singapore.
Not to place judgmental comments and unfair words, i felt you had already done your part.
And if it needs you to pick up ur bags and leave. Its really time to go.
Probably my age would make minds think im too young to know many things or even just to understand that bit or now even bring up culture bringing-up.
But when its relationship and love. Its the same for everyone.
For all relationships in trouble, i always think its better to tell them to communicate to solve countless problems together rather then telling people going the hard way to look at divorce as an option.
but now to think out of the box, its emotionally painful and really torturing to u.
Yes, its true that we all have faith & beliefs. I do believe in Karma personally.
I may not have an answer for you. But in practical views, u had did well and really really good till this point. Its 31 YEARS of marriage after all.
Maybe the only thing u have to look at now is, Love.
Not how much do you love her, but how much does she loves u.
You had given her more then love could have done for the past 31years.
Now its time to know the truth of what she feels.
Let her saying it out as the final when you say you are leaving.
If everything was just a lie. The love from her is a lie.
If the love from her is a lie. You will know where to walk out from.
From her life, or from her heart. you decide.
life is really too short. more over you have gone tru almost half a century.
Cherish your time. cherish the ones who loves you.
Now it might have made you think that hey, ain’t you seem like friends with her right now?
For the above written, i dun felt is wad only a mistress would do.
i had already did probably 9 out of 10 of those mentioned, but it doesn’t keep the love.
im proud to say im not bad looking in overall and i know im really attractive inside out..
But the world is changing the minds of many. Temptation is everywhere.
It made a girl too realize its time to know that its the personality and character of the person you are with to choose to react to what they want and how they think mentally.
But when its the wrong one, we have to go no matter how strong love is.
I wish you luck and may you have a better life.
its like zoom and hey! the year is ending, we are a year older.
How many more decades does one’s life have?
and yes, im 23.
Wow, my heart goes out to you. Your wife needs spiritual counseling, because she has actually abandoned the marriage without even realizing it. I am not a mistress, nor will I ever become one, but women like me are looking for someone to dote on, spend time with, love and be loved, in otherwords, women like me is looking someone like you. I hope one day I will meet someone that is single out there with half of your characteristics. My advice to you would be to go to the Word, and see what the Word says about your situation. Your answer is in the Word. Most men would have walked away long before now. But do everything in your power to revive your marriage, and if it can’t be done, you may just have to walk away. It was something at one time that made you fall in love with her. See if you can revive that. I pray you will find the happiness you so richly deserve. Be very blessed!
Hey man this is Corey from Ky, and I can sort of relate to some of the things you are growing through, but hang in there. Have an honest talk to her about how you feel. If counseling does not work, and you prayed about it. Maybe it might be time for you to move on. Sometimes you can do all that you can do until you become miserable. Take Care of your self , and good luck.
I write this with the most sincere and apathetic heart as someone that understands where you are and what you are going and have been through. Divorce is not the answer nor an option let’s take that off the table now and remember your vows. God has set the marriage up to mirror our relationship with Him so if there is mess in our marriage more often than not our personal relationship with God isn’t what it should be.
And as a Christian man you truly have to understand true love, agape love, or unconditional love. See unconditional love doesn’t require a touch, it doesn’t need someone to love it back. Unconditional love stands alone. It is our flesh that gets in the way of our unconditional love. You can only change you, if you take this opportunity to seek and grow closer with God I guarantee he will turn your situation around and show you what true love really is. And in the process I believe that Eros, or erotic kind of love will soon follow. Read 1Cor 13 at the beginning of each day and strive to live a life of love rather than neglect, remorse and condemnation. Be blessed from a man that knows everything you are going through AJ.
Your Wife is despressed………….don’t suggest counseling???do it…make the appointment, put her in the car and take her there…..Dude…the outside cheating ..you are paying for. You see us women feel why should I, he cheated when I did the effort and believe me it is a effort DAILY DAILY DAILY, keeping up with the chore of taking care of a man. When you are betrayed it all leaves…counseling can at least get her to deal with it and help herself and in return it will help you so position yourself for that…Its easy to leave. You must know there are some many women that do all of the above and still get cheated on…
You get no sympathy here. I’d have a difficult time forgiving you for your sexual transgressions. Prostitutes? And the possibility that you could “bring home” a vile disease? Your wife may be physically and emotionally absent, but as the saying goes, “two wrongs do not make a right.”
Either see a Marriage Counselor or get free and move on with your life. Your choice.
Admittedly, I am not married. And with all that I’ve seen out there? I’m in no rush. I am doing just fine.
Romey Rome
I think its even commendable that you are able to write on here sincerely. It’s a shame that some people’s comments are criticizing you for your mistakes. He who is without sin let him cast d first stone. Well I don’t know of you’ve worked it out with your wife but even as a Christian woman, I’ll understand if you ended up leaving.I mean If u haven’t given ur man sex for 2 years, it means you don’t care where he gets it cos he sure will be getting it from somewhere. Men have needs.
I am in a similar place in my 7 yr marriage. I try my best, I work and do all the things that a housewife will do, get involved in his life and hobbies, almost everything on that absurd mistresses list. Well guess what? It still ain’t enough! He criticizes everything and brings up past events every single day. We could be happy this minute and the next he’ll slip into a bad mood and bring up past fights and concentrate on the things I’d done. He NEVER rememebers the worse things he’d done during those fights. The only reason i’m still here is cos I’m a christian and i wanna give this marriage my best shot so that when I leave my conscience won’t bother me one bit. You sound like a good guy who knows what he wants out of life, I hope u two worked things out, but if not, God’ll know u did your best.
I must say i am fascinated by this article and the fact that it was written by a woman (Pardon the pun) Speaks volumes I always try to read your article most times i just scan through them but i must say today i read this one in it’s entity and i am blessed.
I took it upon myself to share it with my girlfriend and i hope she reads it and get the message instead of finger pointing more of us need to hear messages like this and the courage to fix the broken wheel in our relationships and bring the family back together instead of spending all our time playing the blame game.
Thank you Sister and continue to be blessed.
After reading this article I was thinking just how much this has affected my relationships. My ex started off being the woman of my dreams but that dream was quickly dashed. Her whole personality changed as far as the way she started treating our relationship. I’m not going to point the finger and say it was all her fault but I will say my personality changed when I felt she was moving farther and farther away from me. I guess what it comes down to for me is not to get comfortable in your relationships cause as soon as you do believe you me it will change..
As a black man who always thought I had immaturely ruined a 25 year marriage but after being divorced over 9 years and looking back with 20/20 vision I realize that I was not the only person who was wrong. I am very hard on most marital advice givers particularly if they are written by women and I literally stop breathing for a minute when the advisor is a gay male telling a woman “what she needs to do to keep her man happy“! My breathing stops not because the gay male is advising, it stops because the woman is actually listening to him! I am a Christian who is not too ashamed to admit to being a retired “ho”. I must congratulate you on such a well balanced writing. Actually, I could find not one thing in this missive that I disagree with, not one. It not only was prescient it is very well written. What most women fail to realize is that when you tell your man your problems he automatically feels a desperate need to “fix” what is bothering you, if he loves you. I know, in my marriage, the number of problems grew daily and the race to fix them grew just as fast. There came a time when being overwhelmed was a regular occurrence and my needs became the second tier. I would long for peace of mind and a life where when I walked through the door I would be greeted by a smile instead of a frown and a new complaint. You give excellent advice! Keep it up!
Not giving your husband sex on the spot, is not as harmful as “GIVING HIM ALL HE WANTS WHENEVER HE WANTS IT, HOWEVER HE WANTS IT, ALL THE TIME”
You will only make him THINK he is getting tired of you. That is why men break up with their wives, go get someone else, and in less than two years, HE IS RIGHT BACK AT YOUR DOORSTEP.
All he needed in the first place, was RATIONS.
Think about it. If you super-indulge in your favorite food, you will soon feel as if you are tired of that food, and want something else. When you are actually not tired of it, and love it like you always have and always will.
A child can’t have all the candy he wants, AND MEN CAN’T HAVE ALL THE SEX THEY WANT
This is all well in good in the flesh. But, the bible states in 1 Corinthians 7:4, “the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” So it is not up to the person to decide to ration their body to their spouse. They are to allow their spouse to enjoy their body at all times.
Now this being said – what happens when you just can’t give your body to your spouse for many reasons (menstrual cycle, too tired, not right time, etc.). You need to pray immediately and ask God to give you the words to ask your spouse for a “rain check.” Yes, “rain check.” So, when you do get yourself together you can fully engage in sexual intimacy with your spouse willingly and completely.
At first I thought ok let me read another beat on the woman article. Then as I read more, it made me think, not only is some of the things true, but even though wives do these things some have good reason. No matter how much misunderstanding in a marriage the husband finds faults in the marriage to reason with his own selfish sexual ways…not fair in alot of cases. The husband when ready to prey on someone else… starts finding anything and everything to justify what his about to do on his wife. And most wives know when he is cheating, she sees all the signs. Making everything her fault so she shuts down… sex first, then cooking, cleaning, and they converstaion is now yelling. But as for the husband he is content with the other woman even if they can’t go out together or live together he an she are ok with that. This is comfort for whom the HUSBAND leaving the wife to build up anger. She starts thinking she will withhold herself from him, but not realizing the woman is will to share him with the other woman who is his WIFE…crazy you think. Love doesn’t allow outsiders in the marriage know matter what!!!! Rememeber what you think is old is new to the other person man or woman…we should be precious to them no matter what,,,true love says.
Marriage is an individual journey with God in the space of two people joined together. When you are in the midst of turmoil in your marriage, you are to ask God what do you want me to do about this situation. A lot of times He just wants us to stand so He can “horse collar” the other person back into the correct position. Most times this takes a bunch of patience on our parts. And, that’s the hard part.
Diva, you are so right…the man marks his prey and wives do see the signs..its always the women fault for shutting down, but men never take the blame. God loves us all. I think the reason so many women are in church is because God is the only…They have given up on Men..So children and God is the only way to go…
Some of the Information here is incorrect. The mistress isn’t always the one to initiate sex. I was pursued to the point of him taking two hour flights to see me. Then we have a history that pre-dates his marriage.
She didn’t mean that the mistress always initiates sex, but that sometimes, she doesn’t wait on the man to do it. Apparently, many of these men felt like they were always the ones going to their wives. My husband and I went through this one time a couple of years ago and he told me how he felt. We’ve since never had that problem again.
I thoroughly appreciated this article. As a woman who endured infidelity and divorce several years ago, I can honestly say that when I went through counseling and introspection to heal from that pain, I made some of the realizations detailed in this article.
One other thing that my ex talked with me about after we split was my inability to admit when I was wrong, which wasn’t an issue in his affair. He said to me, “do you know how hard it is to be married to someone who is ‘perfect’?’ It was definitely a valid statement. I had to learn that instead of saying, “if you hadn’t done X, then I wouldn’t have felt compelled to do Y, so it’s your own fault” that sometimes a simple, “I’m sorry that what I did affected you so negatively. Can we talk about it?” was the better response.
Thanks for your great insight!
God is always present and I thank you Lord for leading me to this article as you know I have been searching for answer. I have been married to my husband for almost 11 years however, we have been together for 17 years. I have always felt that our love was strong enough to sustain any storm. Boy did that change about four years ago. It was devastating to find out that my husband was having several online affairs, and chatting it up with another woman at his job in hopes of starting an affair. All along I thought I was doing everything right. Working, cooking, cleaning, playing to his ego, keeping myself looking right and handling my business in the bedroom and being as domesticated as they come. I have written poetry, arranged candlelit dinners, picnics in the middle of our living room and through it all. It wasn’t enough I guess he felt he needed more. Although I decided to stay I never forgave nor forgot. Fast fwd to the last couple of months I have been feeling neglected and have consistently warned my husband about it and his response as usual, was to become abrasive, evasive, and rejected my claims, simply stating “cut it out or you’re crazy”. Recently I have been in contact with an old flame. (Telephone conversations only). Who has been filling that void. I have had ample opportunities to have a rendezvous and haven’t done so as yet. (always coming up with an excuse to not follow through) Friends and family have encouraged me to “do me” and have actually been willing to provide me with an alibi. It has been a struggle to keep true to my vows and to stay focused on making my marriage work. I have often questioned myself as to what the right thing to do is. Thanks to the article…it is crystal clear. Put all faith and works into service for the lord and he will see me through. Thank you for publishing this article it gives hope to me as I am sure other faith inspired women who are trying to do the right thing in spite of society that conforms to doing “us” Whatever that means.
Interesting article with some previously explored subjects and a few new eye opening ones. However, I still walk away with a few age old questions.
1) Why can’t a mistress do all of these wonderful things with her OWN single man and not with one who is married? Since she already knows the tricks of the trade, surely she could keep her own man happy as well, right? Plus… I never quite got the appeal of a woman agreeing to be someone’s in the shadows side piece.
2)Why can’t a married man who seemingly has an investment in a permanent relationship with his wife communicate his needs to her? When he pursed her, he communicated himself very clearly about his desires. Why would he be so quick to turn his back on her and that investment by having an affair? The affair may be a thrill but is it worth losing someone that he claimed would be a lifelong partner. I never quite got taking that sort of risk and potentially losing everything.
As a woman and having been on both sides of the fence, I agree 100% with this article/blog. I think that may be the reason my current relationship is going so well from my point of view because I treat it like I am his mistress instead of just his partner. And we have so much fun.
Wow. This article hits home. I have been married for 13 yrs. My husband walked out last year.Everything was good (as far as I knew) up til the month before he left. We argued about the smallest and most simple things. I spent the last part of 09 crying and beating myself up thinking it was all my fault (of course that is what he was telling me). I begged for his forgiveness and offered to go to counseling and nothing worked he just kept telling me his mind was made up. A month or so after he left I found out there was another woman and she was pregnant. Against all of my beliefs and christian up bringing I felt that I had no choice but to file for divorce.
With all that being said I can’t say I believe totally in the article, I initiated sex 85% of the time. I told him that I thought he was the best husband in the world. I know that I wasn’t perfect (who is) I accept that I did somethings that were not my best self or moments. Nor was he perfect but I accepted the things I felt he did wrong and I forgave him and moved on. He on the other hand talks about things that took place 8 & 10 years ago.
To me after all this and the hurt, pain and struggle I have endured in the past year. I say that some men are selfish and put their needs and wants above all others. As someone else said “Nothing is to big for GOD”. If there was true love there we could have worked it out. This new woman has caused him more problems. People come to me and try to tell me about it and now my response is simply “its not my problem”. The Mistress may not always be the best or better person…she just have game and some men are weak for what ever reasons and they fall for it.
” What goes around will come back around”
I agree with you Shell……..You hit the nail dead on the head…..
also…some women like myself have been scared already and try to move on…. some men make things worst for a woman enter her next relationship. This is my first marriage…I’ve been with my hubby for 10 years and married almost 7 years now… We are going fine as of right now…. But my heart has been scared so much from my last relationship….that it affects my marriage…my husband sees it and he says he understand but sometimes I believe he think it is too much….. Not just that…when I was younger, I was taken by another man and sometimes sex can be a problem. But I do initiate and give him whenever he wants it…but there are some days sure enough….I’m going through a mental challenge( from the last relationship & being raped) depending on certain circumstances. Everyone doesn’t know what goes on “exactly everything” in one’s marriage….so some things aren’t an excuse…..
“What goes around do come around”
My husband and I are working on understand and trust still after 10 years..opening up more….( I was already an open book) I laid all the cards on the table….. we can overcome it together or without each other.
Well said Shell, u couldnt have said it any better!
hello u have help me out alot. i am getting married rea;;y soon and i just will like more info in what i should do to keep a lil spice in it and also what i need to say or do so he nor i feel trap,, and so we not talk about the same old stuff .. i just hear so much and im really worry i just want this to work and to please him in every way i can.. thanks this means alot
I CAN SAY IT’S TRUE TO A CERTAIN DEGREE, I DID MY DIRTY, BUT I REGRET IT DAILY BUT I FEEL THAT IF YOU HAVE GOD W/YOU EVERYDAY IT WOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM IF YOU’RE W/THE RIGHT PERSON…
What you speak of is true, I was someones mistress for fourteen, yes fourteen years. I was a young, newly divorced mother with two young children to raise. Yes I WAS the initiater. Yes I was the sexy lover, cooker, and praiser. I did not break up their marriage. His wife (new I existed I am sure) but my goal was to never take her husband, he was a means to an end (at that time) for me. I cared about him but was not IN LOVE with him. I called him, she answered, I hung up (first time she answered his phone in the 14 years I dated him). She called me back, I hung up. He called and apologized for her calling me and said it would not happen again. I felt bad for her and even more stupid for myself. I had gotten a married man to the point that he was apologizing for his wife calling “the other woman” to try to find out why she was calling her husband. I broke it off after that call and he is now dating someone else. His wife called again and I talked to her, apologized and told her she needs to walk away, he does not love her. But her response to me was, “but I love him”. I have not dated a married man since but I do regret having dated that one.
WOOOOOWWWW!!!! This is a damndable shame that a mistress has all the answers to a mans sexual and marriage problems. I have found that a mistress will do for the hubby or outside boyfriend what the wife/girlfriend wont or refuses to do. I tell you it is a damndable shame. HMMMMMM I am wanting to get married, but why do it? Because If I have to get what I want and need from outside my relationship, then what is the point.
Thank God for this piece. however the situation I am is such that my husband of 11 years( a pastor) now is the one that wants to leave. Right now am responsible finacially, emotionally spiritually responsible for our children. We live separately already because of job demands. he calls the kids but not me. in all I have learn to depend on God and HE has been faithful.
I appreciate this article & find it helpful. I will definitely implement those that as a wife I’m not using. However, I would like to say that it’s not always that the wife isn’t willing to do the things the mistress does, but sometimes the husband is reluctant to have his wife doing some of those things. I also believe that it’s easier to have this “fantasy” relationship with someone that doesn’t have to deal with all the real day-to-day issues of marriage, children, bills, etc. Why is it easier to let down your guard or let go of inhibitions with a “stranger” than with the one who should be your soul mate?
I need to get this straight, are you postulating that wives should begin to emulate mistresses in order to keep their spouse? If this is the case, I beg to differ. All it takes is for a married woman to come to the full-realization of her divine mandate in her marital home, there and then the bliss can be sustained.
I have been married for thirteen years and can say confidently that I can’t possibly see what any other woman has to offer to make me redirect my affection. We both did not get to this point overnight, however with mutual love, understanding and respect, the relationship has continued to blossom in every aspect including intimacy.
TRAGIC! As if wives do not have enough on their plates to deal with, in most cases we are holding down full time jobs, having and raising children, cooking, cleaning, managing the day to day affairs of household and husband to name but a few exhaustive chores that fills most wives days.
Of course a mistress can listen attentively (she is probably not nursing a newborn or rushing off to take his kids to ne activity or another), of course she can provide sex on demand (it’s why he’s not married to her!) etc, etc. To really expect that a wife can “happily” fulfil all the husbands selfish expectations that a mistress can so easily dole out whilst she is being pampered and treated as the queen is ludicrous and for a fellow women to have posted this blog with out any indictment on the husbands to first ensure he has put his house in order before the wife should be expected to fulfil these requirements is indeed a damnable shame, a cheating husband is ONLY seeking solace with a mistress because of his shortcomings in the marriage.
It is true that marriages require constant effort to be made on both sides to ensure that the family unit is a happy one, but this is only achieved through honest and open dialogue when problems occur, patience and prayer. For wives to be read the riot act that they should allow themselves to be used for their husbands wanton sexual desires will neither help him or you for that matter.
There are journals dealing with what God expects from husbands in marriage in Charles Perkins’ Journal.
PLEASE!!! Lets not insult womens intelligence here, as a christian i am well aware of Gods mandates for us wives and vice versa of the respect and honour that a husband should give to his wife, I Peter 3:7 (which has nothing to do by the way with treating her as his sex slave). He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
It is indeed good to love and make love in a marriage when time and circumstances allow it (not on demand, as with a mistress). As someone else pointed out self respect for self and others is key.
Interesting how a woman can do all of the things listed here and never move from being mistress to wife and a wife can do none of these things and remain a wife for life. Also, when men list what they are looking for in a wife rarely do the things on this list priorities, maybe if they were then men would be married to their mistresses.
I’m not saying that wives shouldn’t do these things (they probably should if they choose too) but where is the reciprocity? For all the extra effort what do women get out of the deal other than the privilege of saying I’m married? In a time where too many young black women are not seeing the value of marriage period (this is witnessed in the 32% marriage rate among African Americans) this is not very encouraging. Its easy to be the woman who intiates sex, wears the sexy undies, is always nice, looks well put together all the while affirming and uplifting the man — when you are not the women working to help pay bills, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, taking care of kids, etc.
AMEN, openeyes!
I’m a wife and while reading this I asked myself “WHO IS GOING TO DO THIS FOR ME!!” All the stuff it says to do, hell, I want that done to/for me as well! This is why women say they need a wife too! Hmm, maybe polygamy is the answer. Women cheat too – please post your experiences working with couples as to why women cheat and give pointers to the men.
I truly enjoyed reading your article. I have considered writing a book specifically geared to this exact thing. I have been the “other” woman in the past. Before I start getting a billion negative comments, I’d like to say that I have come to the full realization of my wrong doing. I have learned to love myself and not be a plaything for a married mans pleasure. However This article is very accurate. Whether you want to hear it or not whether you think it’s right or wrong, the fact still remains men are attracted to women that do the things on this list. I find it quite funny how a woman will do everything in her power to get a man, but once she has him, the kids, the house, the vacations, she shuts him down like the power company. Your husband is your first ministry, yes even before your kids! The things you did when you met him should not stop once you have the golden ring. In a sense you become the “other” women in your marriage when you begin to neglect your husband needs, he will find himself sleeping with a complete stranger. Be sure, enough nights of that will drive any man into the arms of another, and you better believe she is more than willing to do the things you won’t. If what you’ve been doing in your marriage isn’t working this is definitely something to consider.
Your husband complained to you and ABOUT you to “justify” his cheating with the jump-off. The ultimate betrayal to YOU was his impregnating the jump-off. You have to understand. Mistresses, the other woman, the jump-off, etc. are ego-driven. That is, they thrive on the challenge of “taking” someone else’s man. At base level, they are fundamentally FLAWED. Or else, as another poster here stated, all of what they “invest” in a married man, why can’t they pursue a man of their own and apply this to them? It’s pure ego, sexually driven. And this same scenario can be applied to married males that are ‘ho’s (retired or not). Coupled with the absence of respecting the sanctity of your marriage.
After all, DO jump-offs respect the institution of marriage? “Not.” Good luck to you and may God hold you under grace. He has a plan for you. Continue to be receptive to that.
You only had the skank of a husband….until someone DESERVING of YOU enters your life.
Case in point, the poster “The Other Woman” is the “classic” example of this.
And yet you wonder why Lionel Ritchie’s ex-wifey Brenda beat the chit outta him and the jump-off? Out and out disrespect. There are three sides to every coin—his, hers and the TRUTH. While the married male that you took up with complained about the home front, what proof do you have that he took care of his end? You don’t. You can only go by what he’s told you. Including lies. Many men are neanderthal in their thinking when it comes to the home front. The wifey may BE left to take care of it all. He may be the primary bread-winner–or not, but there is more to bring to the table than just the bacon.
Hey. Here’s a thought. Ever thought about getting a man of your OWN?
I think another title for this article should simply be “What Good Wives Do”. I am married and do every single thing on this list plus some. I am not perfect and neither is my marriage, but I believe that loving someone means what to share your life with them in every way and wanting them to be happy.
For example, I joined my husband’s fantasy football team this year and on Sundays after church we watch games and talk football, and ladies guess what, it’s fun.
As a wife you should always try daily to be a good wife and meet the needs of your man.
Okay from the beginning of my marriage he cheated and 8 years ,multiple affairs and a 1year old baby later he still does. I have been to hell and back has not had a affair yet.I have found it hard to initiate sex but sometimes do. I cook the only one that cleans..work and try to compliment him as much as I can. Its hard to listen or take advise from a traitor but I try.every time I try to leave he cry and say I don’t understand he constantly say I think I’m perfect but I have never said that just don’t do what he does. …his baby mama is out of control he never demands respect. ….I’m clueless and tired at this point.
The point of this article is not for women like you to blame yourself. It’s to correct women who take their husbands for granted. You should just leave this loser.
Hello to everyone I am sitting her reading this article and the comments and while I am not a wife I would like to be a wife one day. I am a Christian woman and have to learn how to relate to a man in my life especially growing up with out a father figure to understand him more. I often feel that all the advice goes out to women to learn how to keep there man but never see advice for men and husband to learn to keep women and wives. A relationship is never one way but I feel that society solely focuses on the man points of view as if a women feelings and issues never matter. Cheating on someone is a very hurtful things and there are very little excuses for why a person chooses to do this to there partner at the end of the day all it creates is a wounded person that most men rarely considers, understands or addresses. We as women I guess do have to learn our places and positions more but in a world that never corrects men habits. I am not sure how much I am willing to conform to a society that teaches pain over healing when it comes to men but I still want a husband as a partner. What kind of society are we when we don’t care equally about both sides and just because another woman is usually easy and willing is to a non responsible role as a mistress does not make her a good person or partner. It seems to me as long as it comes easy and conforming then he labels her as a good women when that is furthest from the truth but I feel loving and pleasing your partner is a very important thing with in a relationship. So I will take this advice in while still maintaining my own sense of self and learn how to be less selfish and demeaning to the man while still demanding love and respect for myself. I do see men in a very tainted light right now in my life and I am trying to find out what is healthy love over solely being concern about just pleasing another person. I think we teach a lot of dysfunctional practices in the world and many times its women is dying and killing herself trying to be something that she is not. Please write an article for the other side as well because there are a lot of things that husbands needs to know and focus on as well. I see way too many demands from men and very little compassion towards understanding their women. Thanks for the article.
If you would like to see Journals for the “other” side of marriage, the male side, please visit Charles Perkins’ Journal. He writes Journals about what God requires husband to do in marriage.
I think a man or a woman that will cheat will cheat irrespective of whether their partner will lay down their self esteem and life to please them.
I agree with the person that said there should be a balanced message for the guys too, there are many things men need to know about how to please their wives too, that don’t make the wives go cheating when he does not do them.
There will always be a difference between a mistress and a wife, because he sees the mistress only on dates, his wife is the one who cleans him up and makes his home, he should be content when she’s on her knees cleaning the house, cooking his meals and showing love by caring for the home. Comparing her to a mistress is ungrateful and demeaning.
Thanks
Thank you for this great article.
After reading this article and viewing the many comments posted about it, Im just wondering why no one has mentioned the true reason why a man cheats on his wife or vice versa? I’m a Christian woman and clearly James 1:13-16 explains why men and women commit adulterous acts. John 10:9 tells us who’s the driving enforce behind the matter and vs.10 gives the solution which can enrich every area of our life without stepping outside of God’s will to do so. Think on these things according to Philippians 4:6-8.
I’m a Christian woman and it alarms me that no one has mentioned the “Sin” is the issue to why men and women cheat or the fact that a woman would devalue herself to being a man’s relief factor. James 1:13-16 explains why men and women do what they do by their nature. John 10:9 exposes who’s really behind this madness and John 10:10 gives us a remedy for every area in our lives that we would want to be enriched and successful. Sin will take you farther than you want to go and lose more than you’re willing to invest. Reality, no one wants to be alone and that’s in any relationship, married or not, saved or unsaved. If God is not that 3rd strand in the marriage, Eccl 4:12, then all you have is 2 people with limited faith to withstand temptation.
This piece is lovely. alot of women are the cause of their misfortune even though i’m not in support of extramarital affair. Whatever is good that you know how to do to keep your home, please engage in it otherwise it will be counted unto you as sin. Most women are too familiar with their husband that they stop giving their husband real sex the way they started when they first got married. If your husband need blow jobs give it to him, don’t allow him to go get it outside. Please The good lord will help all of us all.
so women are supposed to be perfect and the men not i guess……..alot of men lack dicipline thats why they cannot control themselves….you find alot of women who endure the excesses of their husbands yet they dont go out to cheat.. it is an insult to God when people assume men are created to cheat….the only problem ios that they lack dicipline, fuelled by the traditions of men…..adultery is sin and nobody should blame another for their lack of self control…..you expect ur husbands to be perfect yet most men are not…mind you this is not about feminism because God has given each of us the ability to perform our roles in life based on his plan for creation……men have no more right to cheat like the woman does, so stop blaming women for the inability of the male gender to exercise their God given ability for self=control
While i agree that a good wife should do all u have listed, am really tired of how we all just go on and on about how the wife is to blame for a cheating husband….men are not perfect and neither are women……alot of men are lacking in what they should be doing as husbands yet we dont find alot of women going to cheat on them…….there are so many men whose wives give their all to please yet they cheat…so the truth be told, men should control themselves and also work hard to make their marriages work…….the bible says that men should love thier wives as christ loves the church and gave himself for her……instead all we find are men wanting their wives to give all for them…..no woman can truly be perfect in all these areas you have outlined, so we the church should start telling men the truth…..they have no excuse for adultery……alot of people have no true revelation of Gods concept of love and this habit of putting all the work at the feet of the women is what has made alot of men slack in their responsibilites as head, priest and fathers in their various households….
if men truly sit down to look at how christ loves his church they will know that they have alot of work to do than the woman………no one has a right to cheat and i dare say God has given us all an equal measure of self control…..so men please, wake up….
With regards to infidelity and studying what the mistress does I believe is nonsense
simply study the history and man along with his royal courtships and you will find that
men and women of higher social classes only dated to preserve bloodlines.
Men who chose their courtesans (yes this is where the wort courting derives from) usually do so on the basis of their breeding stock. Social and conversational skills,intelligence, common sense and companionship as well as their physical attributes
Wit and personality is what will set a mistress apart from regular women. The emphasis being weighed heavily on the term regular…..since no man wants a regular woman at his side…..no man big or small,tall or thin,skinny or wide!
Men are too often judged by both the appliances that we own and the woman on our arms…none of us want our gals or good fortune to be trumped by a chick who appears to have it all in the palm of her hand….smarts,dangerous curves,insatiable lips and the looks that demand wealth even if she has not already attained it.
As for the boring article above what all women should know is that SEX is an obligation but should not be the only facet in a woman’s array of services.
A woman should dress well always above and beneath, affirmations are absence and championing your hunter as well as being able to engage in a wealth of conversation from everything from politics and arts to social ills and the life expectancy of their cures.
In order to keep a man interested you must EVOLVE……or risk becoming EXTINCT . Ask yourself where are those dinosaurs now? Collecting alimony, separate houses conversing about topics such as HALF! Which is what they received which really isn’t the full monty is it?
Ahem! Who Needs to evolve? Perhaps men need to evolve past the cave man mentality to being more sensitive and spiritual. It isn’t a wifes fault when her husband cheats. My husband once repeated to me a comment made by one of his male married co-workers…He said ‘ I love my wife, but after so long of having the same woman (sexually), it’s like sticking myself in a luke warm glass of water” men are pigs. I am a modern woman who would divorce my husband for any kind of disrespect (reguarding another women) in a heartbeat.
no you wouldnt. all women say that, until it happens. then is when you find out that it takes time to leave a man, just like it took time for you to get with him. it will take time to fall out of love. dont be so boastful, and end up being the woman who says, after finding out he has strayed, “BUT I LOVE HIM” to his jump off.
Careful….your insensitivity is showing. And your tossing fidelity to the side in favor of pursuing courtesans to “justify” unfaithfulness merely shows that you are a ‘hot mess.”
Common-sense dictates that BOTH genders should continue to evolve in the socialization process. WHO would want a male/female that simply became complacent and dormant at the same time?
The insights that you offered (if any) are seriously under the microscope for dissection. You need to go back to the blue-print.
I cannot BELIEVE a woman wrote this article… and you think being submissive will keep your man from CHEATING??? GET REAL WITH YOURSELF. You aren’t living in REALITY. Your man lives in “the world” and he’ll cheat when he’s ready to and it’ll have nothing to do w/how many casseroles you did or did not make… I’ve known women who have served their men inside and out for YEEEEEEEEEARS 10+ and STILL found out he had a family across town. It’s about HIS INTEGRITY AND HONOR not about how much oral sex you’re offering up. And if your husband has you convinced of that you are BEING PLAYED LIKE A FIDDLE and I’m sure doing a SWELL JOB at it!!! You shouldn’t be sharing information like this to other women who will in-turn play themselves like you are. Be a good wife YES YES… But honey these MARVELOUS WONDERFUL TIPS FOR HOW TO BE PLAYED will not keep your man from cheating.. if anything he’s just gonna get bored faster. YOU’RE A FOOL to write this and one day you’ll realize that.
^^5 is all that I can say to you. You were “on point!” Christian or not, when the penis “feels the wind on it, anything is possible.” Whether you are doing “all the right things” or not.
like i said before, ‘rations, ladies. ration it out, or he will start to FEEL as if he is tired of you’ and it is true, if a man has a mind to play or whatever it is that he does, STOP BLAMING YOURSELVES. he will do what he will do, anyway. so go on and take care of yourself, that way you wont end up bitter for ‘all you have done or tolerated’ be a good wife, but be good to yourself too and above all, put God first.
TRUE TALK ALEXANDRA, you hit the nail on the head!
finally someone took the initiatvie to say the ‘unsaid’ things about relationship. I have one concern, I have a voice that is very annoying; however is and when I speak softer its sounds more like murmuring or no sound escape the lips. its been my hidden flaut. HELP
To all the mistresses out there if the married man is willing to cheat on his wife with you what makes you think he is not going to cheat on you even after you supposely did everything his wife didn’t do or wouldn’t do if by chance he does leaves his wife to be with you and most men never do. I truly believe what comes around goes around you got just what you ask for a cheating husband.
I did everything the “successful mistresses” do as a wife and he still cheated on me throughout the marriage.
Guess the info above is not true for all relationships.
Be blessed!
This is total BS because good women and wives do these this too. Not just whores.
men if your woman is not wanting to have sex with you, maybe you need to straighten up. maybe you need to shower, shave and brush every once in awhile. we may not be quick to leave, but we dont want to lay up and kiss a pig whose butt you can smell when he walks by
but what if it is the man who is letting his appearance go, complaining, degrading, pushing you away?
Mistresses do this because they get the “best” of the man. They don’t have to put up with the bad attitudes, the selfishness, the dirty underwear, and the bad, morning breath. Marriage is about TWO people giving to each other. Not one just for the other. sorry. I found this article absurd.
I find your suggestions of how wives should follow the lead of mistresses a bit “insulting”.
I have known wives that did all of the above and them some–myself included. I was always a very “adventurous” and “affectionate” wife. For 16 years i supported my now ex-husband physically, emotionally and more. I complimented him regularly, pursued him for intimacy and was a sounding board when things went wrong or right at work. I also involved myself in not some but all of his “hobbies”. And still- when along came a woman half our ages–(she was 22 years old to be exact) who showed interest in him- he was “all over it”. At that point my ex husband decided that we should have an “open” marriage and by that he meant that he should be ENTITLED to a mistress whenever he wanted one. As he put it “where is it written that men should be ‘condemned’ to life his entire life with just one woman”.
And when i asked “what does this woman have that i don’t?” His response was–”she’s young”. In other words–she has a young vagina that i no longer have thanks to age and childbearing.
So you see–for many men who have devoted, faithful, willing, affectionate wives like me it means NOTHING when a young vagina crosses their path.
A year into his affair our 16 year marriage collapsed. I couldnt even stand to be in the home we built together so i moved out. A week later he moved his mistress in and attempted to have her “take my place” believing that because she was younger, somehow she was better and would eventually make a better “wife”. This woman not only aided in wrecking our marriage (since she pursued only married men) but then proceeded to make life a living hell for him in the 1 year they lived together. When all was said and done she lead him straight into temptation, bankruptcy, loss of a job due to her demands and nearly a foreclosure. Then she fought with him incessantly, refused him sex (yes he had the audacity to tell me this once we were divorced), spent any remaining money he had, refused to share in bills, do any housework or even babysit our kids on days my ex had custody. All she wanted to do is have him pay off her debt, her bills, her education and provide a roof over her head with no responsibility on her part. Once he was bankrupt and about to lose the house–she walked away. Left him for yet another MARRIED man who had more money.
It was at this point that my ex fell apart crying to me realizing the HUGE mistake he had made.
I had already moved on with my life and 6 years later i am now re-married.
My current husband absolutely detests when men “trade” their good wives for the “younger woman”.
He has had friends, acquaintances and men he’s barely known make this same mistake and always with disastrous results. He cant understand how some men could be stupid enough to believe that a woman young enough to be their daughters would genuinely be interested or even “in love” with an older married man. In most cases a woman that pursues a married man does whatever she has to in order to manipulate him into believing that she is somehow “better” than his wife. Once this mistress gets what she wants, the man divorces his wife and the mistress becomes an entirely different woman. Withholding sex, spending his money freely, not as “interested” in his so called hobbies as he thought she was etc etc.
Case in point when a mistress does all of the above that you listed–it is often a manipulation game to get what she wants out of a man.
I treat my current husband with as much love, attention, admiration and yes even including the sexy longerie as most wives that love their husbands. But unlike mistresses we do these things-such as compliment and pursue our husbands, not because we are trying to manipulate them but because we love them. There lies the difference between a mistress’s actions and the actions of a devoted wife.
You made THE point lady reality check; a man who will cheat will cheat irregardless of how much of a whore you are in the bedroom or how much of a good wife you are in the bedroom. I still can’t believe a woman wrote this article.yes it is good to try your best as a wife but a cheat will always be a cheat no matter what, so all the ladies out there, do not beat yourself up about being cheated on. It wasn’t your fault. My husband cheated on me even when I supposedly thought we had a perfect relationship. We were right in the middle of an IVF cycle and he was supposed to abstain for 3days so they could get quality sperm for the transfer. Well guess what , that night he kissed me like a loving husband and went to a club, met a girl and took her to a hotel! And here I was thinking our relationship couldn’t be better. Men need to get their acts together and stop finding stupidly insulting excuses for their lack of control
wow, you said it all
Really nice. I like it!
I will love to receive your newsletters especially the article on Successful mistresses do what wives don’t do . its really an eye opener.
Well researched write-up, i believe it will help homes…
I think those stuff wives do too but only in the start. When they are newly weds. But as times goes by if the husband seems lacking the wives learn to toughen up. Mymom said when she was young, she was nice.But my dad turn out to be lazy in my moms terms. She had all seen my fathers negative side.
Fast forward to the present.I have seen how my boss treats his young mistress. Like newly weds. But not really. My boos served his young mistress and gave her everything. Dress her up. Men became ultra nice. They are willing to pay up.
dont judge all the mistress out there!
What about the suggesting the husband to do the same to the wife. Marriage is a two-way thing, give and take and not a one- sided ‘what husband expects from wife and if she doesn’t, then it justifies having an affair’ thing. This article seems to be leaning towards feeding the husband’s egos.
Thank you very much for all your contributions.
I’m a mother of one. I have been with my fiance for 7 years. He had to move to another country due to unforseen circumstances (immigration) and i stayed in another raising our son. We were separated for almost a year when he started cheated. His mistress was snooping around on his phone while he was taking a shower and uploaded a picture of herself on him instant chat profile for all to see. I believe that was done right after she realized that i was still very much in the picture, he had a child with me and he was not single. Unfortunately, my family and his family saw it and put two and two together.
I loved him and wanted to reconcile so i gave him a few conditions. one of the conditions were that he writes something nice about me, his wife and to upload a picture of us together on his instant chat profile. The following day after i “forgave him”, i changed my mind because i was still very hurt and couldn’t stop thinking about his betrayal. I also felt as though he hasn’t earned my forgiveness just by uploading a stupid picture and saying he loves his wife if he doesn’t mean it. I told him that I need some time to myself. the minute i said that to him, he accepted my request and deleted our picture and his status declaring his love for me. that in itself was an indication that he doesn’t want his mistresses knowing that he’s a married man and he still wants to cheat.
I was really really hurt so i uploaded a picture of myself with another man. I cropped the mans face but still showed that i was leaning on his shoulder! i know that was wrong but that made me feel so much better
I love him, he’s my fiance but i cannot continue to take his shit any longer. He cheated on me once before but he has always denied it. I cheated on him too to retaliate but he forgave me for it and we continued our relationship. After that, He broke off our engagement when i was a month pregnant because he met a new woman but i still took him back when he came back begging after the relationship didn’t workout two weeks later. i discovered that he had profiles on dating site on two occasions. when i confronted him about it… he just said there’s no problem with being on dating sites as an engaged man!!
When i thought of all that…. i got more angry and decided that i don’t want him anymore.
I’m a strong, young, beautiful, intelligent, mother, student, aspiring business woman that has a bright future ahead of me. i don’t need that kind of bullshit in my life!
He has done alot… and that show’s me that he’s not ready for marriage, he’s not a good dad, or potential husband!
I appreciate any advise.
Thank you for taking the time to read my horror story.
God bless you all