Listening to your spouse’s suggestions is merely a formality

You ask what he thinks, but you’ve already decided what you’re going to do. If he disagrees, too bad. You know better because you’re the smarter of the two.

You put him down publicly and privately

You’ve got a long list of how he fails you as a man and he knows it by heart. In fact, his friends, your friends, and any person within earshot knows it, too. Sometimes you mask your venomous attacks in the form of a joke. But trust me, he’s not laughing.

You alone discipline the children

He’s too hard on them – especially on your son. You know from your own experience that strict parents yield rebellious teenagers. You’ve resolved that you would never repeat your parents’ mistakes. Therefore your children will have more freedom and less oppression than you did – no matter what your husband says.

You make crucial decisions with the intention of informing him later

An opportunity arises and a decision must be made. Hubby will understand. So what if you forged his name om the refinance papers? People do it all the time. Who cares if you went over your personal shopping budget again? The sale prices mean you’re actually saving your family money.

You hold him hostage emotionally and/or sexually

Wherever two thinking people come in contact with one another, conflict is bound to follow. This is certainly true in marriage. In your case, the proverbial two-sided story has only one outcome, the one you decide. If the conflict is to be resolved, it will be done your way, or there will be no peace (or piece for that matter).

You alone decide when and how (in)frequently sex takes place

You’ve had a rough day, week, month, season, year, decade. You’re sick, tired, sick and tired, on your period, recovering from your period, suffering from PMS, menopausal, pre-menopausal, post-menopausal, have a headache – and quite frankly, you’re not (ever) in the mood to satisfy his animal-like desires. He wants too much sex anyway. Something must be wrong with him. Besides none of your friends have sex regularly with their husbands and their marriages are fine.

You plan all dates or family outings

You are more likely to get run over by a stampede of rabid elephants at midnight on the 4th of July, during a hail storm in your back yard than to be asked out on a date by hubby. You know the score. If you want to go somewhere that doesn’t have a playscape and happy meals, you’d better do the planning.

You like things to be done “a certain way”

You’ve got a system for how to fold and put away laundry (towels in thirds, not quarters), how to load and unload the dishwasher (tall glasses on the outside of the top rack only please), and even what time to make love (no morning nookie on weekdays). It is important that things be done correctly (read: to suit your tastes). You tell yourself and others, “I’m not a perfectionist; I just have a high standard of excellence.”

You decide how the money gets spent

You pay all the bills because if you left the bill-paying up to him the lights, gas, and water would be off by now and again next month. He wants to take that trip to Vegas with the boys next year. And you just might let him go – if he’s a good boy this year.

You overrule/undermine his decisions

He makes a declaration about how a trip, a discussion, or any given matter will go down and you second guess him or argue with him until he abandons his point of view. You call it “helping him to see things your way.” He calls it bullying.

It’s an ugly truth, but one worth examining. Some wives dominate their husbands. Some do so by choice, others by habit, and some out of necessity. Whatever the case, many times we wives don’t realize how far out of hand we are until someone (not our husband) gets our attention. If the Holy Spirit convicts you upon reading the list above, please do not resist Him. If you need a second opinion – ask someone who has observed your relationship and who will tell you the truth – instead of just co-signing your mess.

Be Blessed Family!

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