Category: Carl Gilliard’s Journal


A Look Into The “Tiger Cage”

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 4 Comments
October 18, 2010

“Do you promise to love, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?”

“…for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate,” Matthew 19: 5-6

Look. There he is. The best and richest golfer to ever walk the green. His endorsements and winnings have earned him a cool billion. That’s billion with a ‘B’. He had it all!  Happily married, two beautiful young children and the world was under his command. Tiger. Tiger. Tiger. Come on, chant with me. Tiger. Tiger!

We have watched that all crumble. Single truck, Escalade, car crashes, rumors of an intense domestic dispute with an angry wife armed with a 9 iron as a result of an affair with a beautiful woman who is not his wife. Wait. There’s another woman…and another and another and another and another.

Look at Tiger!  We are looking, pointing and leering into the Tiger Cage.  How could this have happened to a man who has it all?  How? It’s time for the worse.

Recently I wrote about the marriage vows. One of the vows asks the bride and groom to promise to be bonded to the covenant for better or for worse.  The Woods story, arguably, is about the “worse” that it can get!

Even though their marriage is now over, I submit that it could have been better than ever, if they had found a way through the mess.  But now that it’s over, what are we to learn from all this?

I love it when I hear people  say “if I were her, I would leave and take him for every dollar I could” or “I could never put up with a husband who cheats on me” or “men are such dawgs.”   Can any of them be monogamous to one person”  or “Tiger married too young. He should have waited”.

I understand all of these positions. How many people get married saying, ”I can’t wait to cheat” or predicting ”I am going to divorce this fool one day.” No one does that!

Here is my revelation. It’s deep. Ready? Hint: I already said it:

This is the worse. Remember the vows, for better or for worse? What else would worse be? Y’all got to tell me. This is the worse that is embodied in ‘for better or for worse’ and the Holy covenant of marriage can withstand, survive and even thrive after an incident such as this.

I know of a married couple named Bob & Audrey Meisner. Some of you  may already know this story. They had a thriving ministry. They were winning souls to the Lord on a daily basis. The community and the church looked up to them.  They  were on television, wrote  books, the whole nine yards. The wife, yes the wife Audrey has an affair with a man who was working in their home.  Audrey gets pregnant. They decide to have the baby and now they are raising the baby together. This is a true story.  And, today, their marriage is stronger than ever. They tour around the country and recant their story openly to the glory of God. Their story is indeed a story of failure and shame, but it is ultimately a story of redemption, forgiveness and triumph; one that could not have been told had they given up on each other.

My Aunt Betty was married to my Uncle Burley for 60 years. Yes, sixty.  I have no intimate knowledge of all that happened during all of those 60 years, but my Aunt talks openly of how glorious, yet how difficult it was for them. At my Uncle’s funeral in September, her words were we made it. Do any of you actually believe that she never put up with anything in her marriage that was not a ‘divorce-able’ offense to many of us?

To all of you who are single, I warn you. If you’re sitting there leering into the Tiger Cage saying that you would divorce your spouse if it were you? Think again. You may want to reconsider getting married at all.  If there is one guarantee in marriage, it’s this. Your spouse will disappoint you. You’ll be let down. You’ll be ashamed and maybe publicly. That is a certainty. One more minor point on the subject. You will disappoint them and need to be forgiven. It’s a certainty!

When you promise to love and to stay for better of for worse, the preacher doesn’t say “unless someone cheats,” “gets hooked on drugs”, “won’t make up the bed” or “make enough money.”  The vows mean what they mean and it isn’t easy. I know as well as anyone because I was divorced.

Hang in there Tiger. More men (who will never admit it) have been there.  And for the people who criticize Tiger?    Who was he really cheating?  Himself!  If we were to dig into who you are, your mistakes, your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, what would we find?

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Dance With My Father

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 2 Comments
October 11, 2010

DANCE WITH MY FATHER by LUTHER VANDROSS

Verse 1:
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spend me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

Chorus:
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love love love to dance with my father again

Verse 2:
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me (yeah, yeah)
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

Chorus:
If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
Cause I’d love love love to dance with my father again

Verse 3:
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
I’d hear how my mother cried for him
(2x) I’d pray for her even more than me

I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’ s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

While working out last week, my MP3 player began to play “Dance with my father.” Such simple, yet poignant words. This song speaks specifically, directly and sentimentally to the impact that dads have on their sons and daughters.  Even though we live in a society which does such a great  job de-emphasizing the significance of dads while assuming this is the acceptable norm.  And, then, the society becomes confounded by the high divorce rate.

How can women know that they are dealing with a man emotionally capable of being ‘husbands’? If you’re just in search of a  ’boyfriend’ or ‘companion,  you can stop reading here. This isn’t for you. If you are looking for some guarantee, you can stop reading because guarantees don’t exist. If you are not willing to first be a wife, even before your husband finds you, you can stop reading now because you’ll likely not be able to ‘see’ a man who is a ‘husband’ coming your way.

“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” Ephesians 5:25-26

I am always amazed at how many women don’t have the patience to be chosen by men who are willing to ‘make a fool’ out of themselves to demonstrate their devotion. Man makes a move on a woman. He asks for her number. He ‘courts’ her with cards, poetry, dinner, candlelight…sumphin’.   He takes her out, then poof; he disappears for a week or two before he calls again, if ever. Now here is the astounding part. If the brother doesn’t call the next day and he should call the next day; the woman is in a quandary. Does he like me? Why hasn’t he called me? Should I call him?

Uh. I can assure you. If the brother hasn’t called, he’s not really into you or he has other options that he is exploring. How can you know if a man is ‘ready’ to give himself up for you, this is the first assured sign. He won’t care that he looks ‘anxious’.   He won’t care about how ‘un-cool’ he appears. He will be there, present and looking forward to his next opportunity to woo and impress you. Y’all sell yo-selves waaaaaaaaay short on this one. I mean, what happened to the day when a brother went caveman, took his club, hit his woman over the head and drugged her into his cave?

Nooooooo…..women today want ‘control’. They want ‘equal power’, right? This where a good daddy comes in. The mere presence of a emotionally present daddy allows a woman to ‘be a woman’ and in that still feel ‘empowered’ in her femininity, which is the most attractive thing in the world to any man. Can these attributes be reset and restored, especially with God’s help? Yes.

True, for those of you in big cities, I know that it’s a tough ‘market’ to be single. Men have a smorgasboard of choices; always ‘looking past you’ to the next fo-inne sister. I get it. I really do. But I still know that if you hold your own by ‘being’ a wife now, if you stay open, responsive and leave the ‘bitterness’ of past disappointments at the door; in fact, if you are still in mourning over the last thing? Lock yo-self in the crib with a good positive book for awhile, wait, then after a time, patiently go out. Go to church and when you do? Be open. Smile. Speak to everybody with a smile.  And, even be lovely and responsive to brothers you know you aren’t interested in because it’s great practice!

If a brother doesn’t have it in him to pursue you, you don’t want him.  And, if you do choose to chase him, to lock him down, don’t be surprised after he’s yours that he doesn’t pursue and isn’t romantic.

I remember as a deeply imperfect single man being shot down with regularity. Rejection is a real mans badge of honor. Not that I was ‘all things’ to all women because of course I was not!  But, there were many sisters who seemed to be offset by my directness and clarity of motive. For a man who’s eyes are set on marriage, this too is a sign to us that she ain’t ready for us. After all, this dating thing, especially as it relates to those of us dating for the purpose of marriage is about observing behavior and of course having fun and enjoying each others company, right?

At the end of the day, we can never do too much to improve our attractiveness to our potential mates. Far too often, we spend too much time on what they are missing and not enough time on what we are missing.

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The Wedding Vows

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 14 Comments
October 4, 2010

“…for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the TWO shall become ONE FLESH? So they are no longer two, but ONE FLESH . What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate,” Matthew 19: 5-6

“Do you promise to love, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as you BOTH shall live?”

These are not just words which are sweetly placed after a melodic Stevie Wonder tune at a wedding. You know. There we sit, lookin’ good and no one looks better at a wedding than BLACK FOLK. I mean, we LOOK INCREDIBLE!!  But these words though spoken in a highly romanticized and glorious setting are an admonition; a warning to those who enter in. Yet statistics bear out that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. There was a time when divorce was the scarlet letter. I am not suggesting that we return to that mentality, but to accept divorce as the norm doesn’t help us as a civilized family-based culture; and we ARE a world which is built on the foundation of family irrespective to culture.

As I was driving home tonight on the I-14, I had my satellite radio tuned to HDLN. Joy Behar’s program was on. The subject? Divorce.

In July of 1998, I received the divorce decree from my first marriage after 13 years. We had split two years earlier and had flirted off and on for some of those two years with reconciling. But, in August of 1997, I entered into a new relationship with someone before my divorce was final. (People, if you are currently separated, I do NOT suggest that you do this, by the way)

I thought that I was over it and had moved on. When I got the FINAL DIVORCE DECREE, I cried like a baby for a good while. This was a divorce that I wanted; I filed for it!  Yet, there I was on the stairs of my bachelor loft, 9 months into a new relationship with someone who I loved crying over the termination of a marriage I wanted to end.  I ASKED FOR IT!!! I FILED!  The covenant of marriage is not easily broken. Your spirits, even in a bad situation, are bound together from the moment you say “I DO.”

Most single people I know, especially women, desire marriage and yet many married folk I know want to be SINGLE AGAIN!! Why? Well, I believe it’s because many marrieds don’t take the vows and the scriptures concerning marriage seriously. I have been married twice for a total of 20 years of my adult life. I can assure you that you have two choices. Become willing to become ‘one’ as the covenant requires? Or, be prepared to spend a lifetime of hell  fighting against it to maintain your own style of individualism. That’s it. Go ahead.  Be your own man. Keep your own stuff. Remain accountable to no one but yourself. Cool. But you will be miserable beyond measure!   To those who seek to maintain this attitude?  Do us all a favor. Do yourself a service. STAY SINGLE.   There is no shame in that.

When the vows say “in sickness & in health”, take it literally. The vows tell us that someone will get sick over a lifetime just as surely as there will be healthy days. Oh, that includes weight gain and even mental illness. Yes. It means all of that. If my wife gains weight, can I leave righteously? Some would actually say yes, especially if she refuses to work out. You know how we men are. We need that sister to look righteous on our arm, right?

What about the sisters? Don’t let her man lose a job or take a tumble in the stock market. If that man loses his financial ‘muscle’, there are women who think the answer is to leave or at the very least, make the brothers existence hell on earth until he gets his ‘financial act’ together.  But, the vows say for ‘richer’ or for ‘poorer’.   Once again, this is a warning that this will happen, not that it might but that it will.  Even in relative terms, sooner or later it will happen and when it does, how will we respond?   What will we do as husbands? How will we respond as wives? After all, it’s easy to be sweet, patient and loving when the money is flowing, love is present and things are going swimmingly. But, it’s when stuff gets thick that we find out where we really are and where God is seeking to do intense surgery on us.  Not the other person, but on us.

I believe that these answers should be introspectively examined while single. Don’t wait until you get married to figure this thing out y’all. I admit.  Marriage is one of those things that can’t be known fully until you are actually married. We can read books. We can attend marriage preparatory classes. We can fast and pray. We can sit at the feet of marriage mentors and heroes and soak up their brilliance.  And all of these things are great; even recommended.  But at the end of the day, you just don’t know until you are in it and as a man who has been married twice, I still don’t have this sucka down pat…not by a looooongshot!

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Got Wrath, Vengeance?

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 1 Comment
September 27, 2010

Romans 13:19-21 says, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the WRATH OF GOD, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY”, says The Lord.  But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink, for in so doing YOU will heap BURNING COALS on HIS HEAD!!  Do not BE OVERCOME by evil, but OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD.” (capitalization is mine)

God is talking about a principle for how to deal with discord in relationships here.  He is talking, as He often does, about how we should settle the ‘issues’ which invade our lives.  We all want acceptance.

I am an actor.  No one understands what that means more than me.  There are times we have a gig and there are times we don’t.  Usually no gig, no acting pay, unless we have residuals coming from something booked a time ago.  Yes gig, yes acting pay.  And, that is even when we are going to audition after audition.

But sometimes?  Some people?  Well, they will not see you as the greatest thing since sliced bread, not even human.  Some people may see you as a fellow human today, even for a time.  Then later, they see you as yesterday’s burnt toast.  And, they treat you like that!  And thusly, you feel despised, mistreated, cast aside, done wroooooong, bamboozled!!!

A friend wrote to me concerning my Luke 6: 27 -28, “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Here is the thing that really gets me.  My friend wrote about ‘looking weak’ when they appear to let ‘wrongdoers’ off the hook for some behavior…forgiveness undeserved, etc.

I wrote about  how this action simultaneously matures us  and places the responsibility of vindication where it belongs with God which is appropriate and out of our hands.  Let’s argue that God does not and will not repay.

Who here, who has never done anything that requires forgiveness from someone?  Most of us have wronged somebody with a heinous and embarrassing deed somewhere along the way.  And we all desire forgiveness.  Isn’t it interesting how we act as if we are totally innocent of any improper deed when someone does something to us?  Live long enough, I’ll guarantee  that in due time, you will need forgiveness for some deed that you  have done to hurt someone else.

It’s always interesting when I talk to singles as they recount how some brother or sister dumped them or wasn’t interested in  As if they had neeeever dumped anyone ever!  I know people who are  sour  because the person changed their mind about them after initially showing interest.

Then, we will share with whoever will listen how we’ve been wronged beyond compare!  That ‘wronged’ person is likely to consider the dumper an enemy!

What is God asking of us in situations like this?  To take revenge?  To soil the dumpers reputation to all who will listen?  I don’t think so!!  Love your enemies, pray for those who wronged you, and  when one door closes, another one opens.  :)

Success is always the best revenge.  If you want to get ‘revenge’?    Retool  and channel that energy.

Grieve, don’t be bitter; you’ll block your own blessing.  Go ahead, have your private pitty party.  Then get up and get back out there with a smile!

A disclaimer for anyone in an abusive marriage or relationship, I am not saying that you should stay in the situation and only pray.  Get to a place of safety and continue to pray for the condition of your life.

Don’t fret because God tells us in Psalm 23:5, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my ‘enemies’.  You anoint my head with oils…..my cup overfloweth.”

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Bless The Haters, Huh?

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 1 Comment
September 20, 2010

Every morning when I wake up, I get my little HTC HERO with the touchscreen that drives me CRAZY to read my DAILY BIBLE scripture.  It’s an application that sends a scripture to my phone that I can upload to FACEBOOK, if I choose.  The scriptures that seem to resonate with me are those which seem to deal with patience, maturity and rising above circumstances.  Well, it seems that THOSE are the same ones that resonate with friends on my page as well!

A month ago, I posted on facebook a scripture from The Gospel According to Luke. “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you,” Luke 6:27-28

Who does this well??  Not me!!!  Talk about me behind my back?  I’m supposed to say “I LOVE YOU??”   Carl, you BALD BLACK son of a &*%$^?  I’m supposed to say “I’ll pray for you?”  WHO DOES THAT??

When I examine my life honestly, the people who disappoint and hurt me most often are those closest to me.  AND, the people I HURT and DISAPPOINT are those closest to ME!!!

Yeah, there may be “haters” who know me, who know my work or who have been within ear shot of my sometimes (okay,  OFTEN) controversial positions.  But, do we REALLY CARE about THEM?  I don’t!   And neither should you care about those of THEM in YOUR LIFE.    Because along the way, friends can become enemies,  enemies can become friends, and spouses can become ex-spouses.   Then, some of those enemies who became friends may even become wives or husbands.  It’s LIFE.

I have been married going on 8 years.  My wife and I have been through some HELLISH moments in our marriage.  Moments that I feel certain that IF it ALL were PUBLIC, some of you sisters would say to my wife, “GIRL, you still married to that BROKE FOOL?  I would have DIVORCED his butt!” Just as  brothers HAVE said to me, “Carl?  You’re a BETTER MAN than me.”

You’re probably asking what does THAT have to do with Luke 6.  I am not suggesting that a marriage mate is an ‘enemy’ even though sometimes you feel as if they are one.   We will address that later.

When I posted Luke 6 in my status, I had several responses on my wall and even in my private email.  Here’s an excerpt from one.

“Read your post today, thanks for sharing. Last week me and a group of friends were talking about forgiveness and praying for others who wrong you. Many felt that doing the right thing seems to not even matter, and it makes one look weak. As The Book of Matthew instructs us on how to reconcile before going to the alter, but even when those efforts were done the offender still won’t own up to what they did wrong or even listen to reason. So to those that do the right thing, it resulted the offender not caring and advancing in life despite the wrong they do to others and don’t have remorse about what they did. It made some in the group think, what’s the point of praying for the offender anyhow, how is that the person who was wronged even benefits?”

Agreed.  It is counter intuitive to love and pray for people who are KILLING US INSIDE; who have hurt US deeply but God has a plan.  He is trying to grow US up and THAT NEVER feels good.  When I think  about ALL the EXAMPLES in my life where I went through something where the outcome resulted in a REAL MATURITY breakthrough?  It didn’t FEEL good.  It never does.

Is it just me?  When I experience the MOST GROWTH in my life, it usually comes AFTER some PAINFUL or UNCOMFORTABLE EXPERIENCE!  And what I’ve learned is that when we respond using LUKE 6 behavior, we expedite the lessons God is trying to teach us while allowing Him to DEAL with those who have wronged us AT THE SAME TIME!  Conversely, when we resist and take the “law into our own hands” by retaliating, we GET in the WAY of the natural process for God to intervene in the situation and we delay our own maturation .  We also tend to deepen our own pain and misery!

When we do LUKE 6 behavior, it isn’t for the other person. Yes, our humanity seeks JUSTICE…VENGEANCE: an EXPEDITIOUS and HARSH JUDGMENT meted out in the style befitting the “crime”.  OUR JUDGMENT in OUR TIME IN  OUR WAY!!   After ALL, WE KNOW what punishment fits the crime, right?  Right.  I can’t tell you how many times I have said to my wife, who I LOVE…

“…I can’t wait to get YOU back for this”

“…YOU is going to pay for this…”

“YOU can’t talk to me this way…”

“YOU can’t…you WON’T do this to me!!!!”

I WANT HER TO CHANGE NOW and I am going TO BE THE ONE TO CHANGE her!!!   And in so doing, my life spirals further and further downward.  As I watch our situation continue to deteriorate,BECAUSE she is joined to me BY COVENANT.  And according to that, WE ARE ONE whether we “feel” that we are or NOT!!

These are opportunities for God to invoke and challenge us in a more excellent way.  He is trying to build character in us.  Does this mean we won’t “feel” pain, hurt and even ANGER?  For sure.  In fact, we will experience the FULL GAMUT of emotions within a short period of time, but if we’re honest (and normal) we see that “TIME LESSENS THE IMPORTANCE OF THINGS.”

THE MESSAGE BIBLE LUKE 6 27-28:

“LOVE your enemies.  Let THEM bring the BEST out in YOU, not the worst.  When someone gives you a HARD TIME, respond with the energies of prayer for THAT PERSON”

I know some of you pick and choose which scriptures are cool with you.  I LIKE that one, but noooooo, not this one.  THIS ONE seems harsh and ‘unfair’, but this one makes me ‘feel’ better.  LET ME TELL YOU.  Maybe it’s the “born when EISENHOWER was PRESIDENT” thing and I don’t live the WORD perfect, but in my mind if one verse is divinely true, it ALL IS.  But, I digress.

As a TWICE MARRIED BROTHER,  I do TWICE AS MUCH FORGIVING and need FORGIVENESS TWICE as often as most. :)  I MUST swallow my pride (and sometimes what appear is  my manhood) to keep the peace.  It feels as IF LIFE is UNFAIR while those who DISS ME prosper.  But as long as I continue in HOPE and FAITH that GOD is perfecting His Work in ME?  If I can KEEP my EYE on the prize…..AND CONCENTRATE less ON THE TRANSGRESSION,  I am on track.

And at 52, I DON’T have time to STAY  UPSET at people who have done me wrong.  They probably don’t even know they’ve done anything anyway.  Half the folk MAD AT ME today, I have NO IDEA WHY Y’ALL!!  NONE!  So, I PRAY for them TOO!

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Words for My Young Man of Faith

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 4 Comments
September 13, 2010

My Son,

Please adhere to these 25 ideals to live by……..

WORDS OF WISDOM TO ENCOURAGE & STRENGTHEN THE FAITH OF YOUNG MEN

by Ezunial Burts

1. It’s okay to be a Christian

2. Be a gentleman and respects others, especially women

3. Be nicer to people than they are to you

4. Education, marriage, children, in that order

5. Learn geography; Learn a foreign language; study other cultures; Travel abroad

6. Don’t be afraid to take risks

7. Discover why God placed you here on earth. Identify your talents, master

them and leave your mark on the earth

8. Put your goals in writing

9. Develop a personal strategic plan with:

a. Goals

b. Objectives

c. Strategies

d. Timelines

10. Write your own obituary and live it

11. Mentor others and be mentored

12. Develop an interest, hobby or activity outside your “Comfort Zone”

13. Pick your friends and associate carefully

14. Never be the smartest person in your circle of associates

15. Interview important people

16. Be honest, use your “Gut” as an ethical compass

17. Use your heart, mind and gut to make important decisions

18. Learn how to be still when you listen to others

19. Learn reading comprehension and be able to read aloud

20. Become a good public speaker and presenter

21. Learn the English language; Be able to write clearly, concisely and effectively

22. Sharpen your computer skills

23. When paying your bills, pay yourself first

24. Pray continuously

25. Take good care of your mother

Love,

Your Dad

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A Letter from a Father to his Son

Filed Under: Carl Gilliard's Journal by Carl Gilliard — 7 Comments
September 6, 2010

Dear Son,

I miss you. You are a young man now and I know that this is the time where you are looking to explore what life has in store for you…..so there isn’t much time for Dad or parents anymore. But I still miss you. I am so proud of you. I am excited about what God has in store for your life. I see so much richness and future success for you. There is NOTHING you can’t do. The world is your oyster.

Setting aside the multiplicity of talent that God has blessed you with (which is quite substantial), it is WHO you are that I love. You’re sensitive, honest and a deep, independent thinker. You love God with ALL your heart and enjoy praising Him. Try to never lose that because it will be your light at times of darkness. Try to remember to pray daily. Those prayers will be FUEL for your life and give you ongoing communion with Him. Most importantly…….when you make mistakes? Never be afraid to admit them, apologize and make amends to people who you have wronged.

It has been an honor to be your DAD. I will always be here for you no matter what. EVERYTHING that I have is yours. You don’t owe me ANYTHING. It is I who owe you the BEST START in life that I can give to you, then God will make up the difference. I have had many successes in raising you and many failures.

Over the time that I haven’t seen you, I have had a lot of time to think about my failures. Most of them are probably pretty common and forgettable. But there is ONE that I need to confess. I hope that you can forgive me. And I pray to God that NONE of it finds any negative residual effect in you.

A friend of mine had a baby son recently. I called him to congratulate him. When the conversation had ended, he asked me for any advice that I could offer him as a DAD. This is what I told him.

“Be sure to love his MOM to the best of your ability. Honor HER with all your heart and and IN FULL VIEW of your son. Loving his mom is the BEST GIFT that you can give your son. Do that and everything will be well concerning him.”

It would be easy to rationalize the high divorce rate by saying,

“People get divorced all the time.”

OR

“You shouldn’t stay together for the sake of the kids. YOUR OWN happiness is more important.”

HAPPINESS is a CHOICE. People don’t ‘make you happy’, you must already be ‘happy’. When you seek happiness in others, you’ll spiral from relationship to relationship, friendship to friendship and NEVER FINDING the happiness that is ‘real and ‘true’.

Secondly, marriage and parenting is a sacrifice for the greater good and legacy/annuity of your family. When children see you fighting FOR the greater good (then overcome), they learn humility, courage and mature well. Commitment to family is more important than anything because it pleases God.

I am so intensely sorry that I failed in this important area. I did the best that I could at the time, but it wasn’t good enough. Because I did not follow the advice I gave to my friend, I failed you and your sister. I hope that you can find in your heart to forgive me and to continue to love me as your father.  I love you and want only the BEST FOR YOU!

And lastly, as you move forward in your life…… Work hard in every area. Don’t be anxious for tomorrow……’hit the ball’ that is in front of you…….work through the areas that are most difficult because it is here in THESE PLACES that God is looking to grow and stretch you into who He is desirous of YOU becoming IN HIM!!

Love You Always.

Dad

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