If you listen to conventional wisdom nowadays, it should be easy for single Christian men to find that special woman who would be their wife. After all, the statistics reveal that the number of eligible, single women in the church far outnumber the single men. So finding “Mrs. Right” should be a piece of cake, right guys?
Well, if you talk to eligible, single men who are looking for a wife, they’ll tell you it’s not that easy to find a “good thing” as described in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” So the universal question is . . . how does a single Christian man find his queen?
First, let’s be frank. There are many single men who are not looking for a “good thing” right now. You can tell that by the kind of woman they look for, where they look for them, and what they do once they find one. So the game playing has to stop. If you’re “playing the field,” then just be honest and say so. The lies and the games only hurt women who are looking for a mate, and it makes it more difficult for single men who really are looking for their “good thing.”
But for those single men who really are looking for a wife, it’s important to understand that while it is common to focus on a woman’s looks and personality, God focuses on character. And God reveals these character traits in “the virtuous woman” found in Proverbs 31:10-31:
10 [a]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm[b] clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
In this passage, God describes a woman who not only has great intrinsic value, but she also adds value to a relationship. God says she’s not just busy, she’s productive. She’s skilled at her business, and she’s an investor. She’s wise, caring, and knows how to talk to people. And lastly, and most importantly, she knows that her life is in God’s hands, and her reputation in her community is above reproach.
There isn’t a single Christian man out there who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman who has these qualities. So how do you find her?
God provides a blueprint in Genesis 24: 1 – 67. This passage details the plan Abraham had for finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Abraham dispatched his most trusted servant back to his homeland to find his son’s future wife, but added some important guidelines for the servant to follow. And these guidelines will help you find your “good thing” too.
1. Seek a wife among single Christian women.
3 “Swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and earth, that you will not allow my son to marry one of these local Canaanite women,” Genesis 24:3.
In the verse above, Abraham makes it clear that he did not want his son to have a wife from Canaan where they lived and worked. The “Canaanite women” were not followers of God.
God says the same thing today to single Christian men who should search for a mate among single Christian women whose belief systems and values are the same. God is consistent throughout the Bible in His desire for His people to be equally yoked, inter-married with His people, rather than with people who will take our focus away from God.
2. Seek a wife in the right place.
4 “Go instead to my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac,” Genesis 24:4
Abraham wanted Isaac to have a wife from a place where they worshiped the Lord. In verse Genesis 24:4, Abraham told his servant to go back to his original homeland where his relatives and the people of God still lived to find a wife for his son. So it’s always ironic to me when I hear some people say that a single man shouldn’t focus his search for a wife at church. Why not? Isn’t that where the vast majority of single Christian women worship? The only real issue is that they should conduct any relationships they have in the right and holy way.
So while it’s certainly common to meet single women at the workplace or at the club, seeking a wife in church is also the right place. Plant yourself in a ministry where you can grow in your relationship with the Lord, and wait on Him to provide you with the mate you are seeking.
3. You cannot go back to the past . . . past relationships, past hang-outs, past habits, and past pain.
5 The servant asked, “But what if I can’t find a young woman who is willing to travel so far from home? Should I then take Isaac there to live among your relatives in the land you came from?” 6“No!” Abraham responded. “Be careful never to take my son there,” Genesis 24: 5 -6
One of the key stipulations that Abraham had for his servant in Genesis 24:6 is that he not take Isaac with him to his past homeland. Abraham knew that Isaac’s future was in the land that they currently resided in (Canaan), and taking Isaac back to the past was not part of God’s plan for his family.
Similarly, you will have to change some past habits and past hang outs that may have become comfortable, but they may also be unhealthy and counter-productive to finding the kind of wife God wants you to have. Physicist Albert Einstein once said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. If you find yourself in an unproductive pattern of relationships, it’s up to you to change the kind of women you date, where you find them, and how you treat them. You cannot use your old playbook to find your future spouse.
4. Seek God’s favor and guidance in finding a wife.
The most important step to take before beginning any endeavor, is to ask for God’s blessing and favor. And in Genesis 24:12, we find Abraham’s servant who is tasked with finding a wife for Isaac doing just that:
12 “O Lord, God of my master, Abraham,” he prayed. “Please give me success today.” Genesis 24:12
Too often we find ourselves involved in activities that we have not prayed about before getting started. Sometimes it’s because we know God would not approve of the activity. But more often than not, it’s because we rely on ourselves to come up with a plan. But without God’s guidance in the search for a wife, you’ll end up with far more misses than hits.
5. Request divine intervention to find out about her character.
When you are working on something that has God at the center of it, it is okay to ask God for confirmation that you are still working in His will. In Genesis 24:14, Abraham’s servant does just that by asking for God’s help in identifying a wife for Isaac by adding his own test of her character.
14 This is my request. I will ask one of them, ‘Please give me a drink from your jug.’ If she says, ‘Yes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!’—let her be the one you have selected as Isaac’s wife. This is how I will know that you have shown unfailing love to my master,” Genesis 24:14
Abraham’s servant did not devise a test because he didn’t trust God; it was because he wanted to be sure that he didn’t miss the best that God had to offer in the selection process.
As we stated at the outset, finding a mate that you connect with is not easy. And even when you are waiting on God, you may find that it takes time or find yourself faced with a lot of different options. It is okay during these times to ask God to confirm for you that you are still operating in His will for finding the right person. That means you can be specific with God in your request regarding whether one woman is right or wrong for you, or whether you are in the right circumstances for finding a mate.
6. God will deliver a wife who is suitable for you
15 Before he had finished praying, he saw a young woman named Rebekah coming out with her water jug on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel, who was the son of Abraham’s brother Nahor and his wife, Milcah. 16 Rebekah was very beautiful and old enough to be married, but she was still a virgin,” Genesis 24:15-16
Genesis 24: 15,16 are interesting because before the servant even finishes praying, God is delivering on his prayer with a woman in Rebekah who is suitable for Isaac. That “suitability” factor is extremely important.
Typically, when we are single, our intense focus on our “wants” takes our focus off of what we truly need. God has a woman for you who is suitable for you. That means she will meet your specific and unique needs . . . not just the “wants” that happen to be on your personal wish list.
7. Your wife will be brought to you, you will not have to go get her.
63 “One evening as he (Isaac) was walking and meditating in the fields, he looked up and saw the camels coming,” Genesis 24:63.
In Genesis 24:63, we find an expectant Isaac in prayer, when he sees his father’s servant and traveling party returning home. As the traveling party makes its way towards him, Isaac notices there’s a woman in the group. It is his future wife, Rebekah.
Just as Eve was brought to Adam by God the Father, Rebekah was brought to Isaac by his father’s servant. A funny thing happens when you are seeking a wife while operating in God’s will; God brings your future wife to you.
8. You will see God’s hand in the selection process of your future wife.
66 “Then the servant told Isaac everything he had done,67 and Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” Genesis 24:66, 67
One of the most pressing questions that single men have once they find someone they are interested in is, “Is she the one?” And if Isaac was the average guy, he must have had the same question too, especially since he had never seen Rebekah before.
So what happens in Genesis 24: 66 is significant because Abraham’s servant told Isaac everything about his selection process – from his initial prayer to God for success, to his request for God to identify a woman of character through a test, to Rebekah’s response to his test. And from the servant’s detailed account, Isaac could see God’s hand in the selection of his new wife.
When God presents you with your “good thing”, it will be of great comfort to you that you can look back and see the hand of God move throughout your search process.
And don’t miss what God mentions at the end of verse 67; Rebekah was God’s perfect provision for Isaac after his mother passed away. Be encouraged that God will give you a wife who will meet your specific needs; the needs you know about, and the needs you don’t even know you have yet.
But you’ve got to make the commitment to allow God to guide your search for your queen. When you do, God will show you that He provided exactly what you needed in the woman He fashioned just for you. With God as your personal “GPS” system, you won’t miss her.
