“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be My disciple.” — Luke 14:26
In the last study, Disciples Hold on to His Word, we learned the importance keeping the Word of God in our hearts. Once we’ve learned to hold on to His Word, Jesus takes us deeper, teaching that love for Him must be supreme. Every other loyalty finds its right place when Christ reigns first in our hearts. In this verse Jesus confronts the divided heart. Discipleship begins with reordering our loves and placing Him above all other bonds. Before He calls us to deny ourselves or obey His commands, He first calls us to love Him supremely. Without that love, obedience becomes duty instead of delight.
These words in Luke 14:26 are among the most misunderstood and challenging Jesus ever spoke. But they strike at the very core of what it means to follow Him. On the surface, the language sounds harsh, even shocking. How could Jesus, who commands us to love even our enemies, tell His followers to “hate” their families and their own lives? However, this style of teaching was characteristic of Jesus. He frequently used hyperbole (deliberate overstatement) to drive home His message. In fact, this was a common teaching method in Jewish culture, making the point clear, memorable and impossible to miss. Here are other examples from Jesus:
“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.” (Matt 5:29).
“And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.” (Matt 5:30)
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matt 7:3)
“You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.” (Matt 23:24)
When we look closer at this passage, it reveals the radical nature of discipleship. Jesus was not calling for hatred in the emotional sense, but as a priority. To be His disciple is to love Him above all, above every relationship, every ambition, and even our own self-interests.
The Cost of Competing Loves
In Jesus’ day, loyalty to family defined a person’s identity. The idea of following a teacher at the expense of family honor or obligation would have been unthinkable. Yet that is precisely what Jesus demanded. Using hyperbole, he makes his point unmistakable. The contrast between our love for Him and our love for others must be so great that by comparison, every other affection seems like hatred.
The word “hate” (Greek: miseō) is crucial for us to understand. In Ancient Semitic thought, love and hate were not primarily emotional terms but expressions of choice and will. To “love” one and “hate” another meant to prefer one over the other. It describes action more than affection. A clear example appears in Malachi 1:2–3, where God says, “Was not Esau Jacob’s brother? … yet I loved Jacob, but I hated Esau.” God was not expressing emotional hatred toward Esau but indicating His sovereign choice to work through Jacob’s lineage. In the same way, Jesus was saying that our commitment to Him must take precedence over every other allegiance.
He was not reducing the importance of family; He was defining the order of love in a disciple’s life. When our love for family, career, comfort, or personal dreams conflicts with obedience to Christ, the true disciple chooses Christ. This is not cruelty but devotion. Jesus Himself lived this out. He loved His earthly family, yet He declared that His true family were “those who hear God’s word and put it into practice” (Luke 8:21).
The heart of discipleship is allegiance. Jesus must not be one among our many priorities, He must be supreme. Anything that claims first place in our hearts becomes an idol, even good things. Family, ministry, success, or reputation can easily displace Christ if we are not careful. Loving Jesus above all means surrendering every competing love and trusting that He helps us sort out all other loves correctly.
Loving Jesus Above Self
The verse ends with perhaps the hardest challenge of all: “yes, even their own life.” Following Jesus requires self-denial. It means putting His will ahead of our comfort, desires, plans, hopes and dreams. In a culture that preaches self-fulfillment, Jesus calls us to self-sacrifice. This does not mean we must despise ourselves, rather we are to “dethrone” ourselves. The disciple’s life is no longer centered on “me” but on Christ.
This truth echoes throughout the Gospels. “Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me” (Luke 9:23). The call to love Jesus above all is a call to reorient the heart towards Christ. It’s about exchanging our desire to be in control for surrendering it. Paradoxically, when we give up our lives for His sake, we gain everything that truly matters.
Loving Jesus above self also transforms how we see others. When Christ becomes our first love, we become free to love others in Christ’s way. Not in a way that enhances our ego or our sense of self-worth, but to love others as people who, like us, were made in His image. Only then can relationships become purer, deeper, and more selfless. The disciple who loves Jesus most loves others best.
The Demonstration of our Love
Loving Jesus above all else affects everything we do. For the first disciples, it meant leaving their nets, tax booths, and families to follow Him. For others, it meant persecution, exile, or death. For us, it may come in subtler but no less significant forms: choosing integrity over approval, truth over comfort, or obedience over convenience.
There will be times when loyalty to Christ costs us something, misunderstanding from others, rejection, or loss. In those moments, Luke 14:26 reminds us that discipleship is not about convenience but covenant. We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Sometimes, loving Christ first might cost us much like losing our job, our family, our freedom or even our life. But in the view of eternity, it is nothing. Our willingness to endure loss for His sake is not proof of our strength but of His worth.
The great missionary Hudson Taylor once said, “Christ is either Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.” True discipleship means there is no rival throne in our hearts. When Jesus holds the highest place, everything else finds its proper place beneath Him.
What this Means for Disciples Today
Today, loving Jesus above all runs counter to the values of the world. Society prizes tolerance over truth, comfort over conviction, and personal happiness over holiness. But Jesus calls His followers to a higher standard where love for Him defines every relationship, every desire, and every decision.
This love is not measured by emotion alone but by our devotion to the Lord. This means choosing Jesus when the world offers easier paths. For many disciples, that means setting boundaries where culture calls for compromise, standing firm in integrity when others bend, or saying “no” to something that looks good but draws the heart away from Him.
Loving Jesus above all may look like prioritizing time in prayer when your schedule is full, speaking truth gently when silence would be safer, forgiving when pride urges us to hold a grudge, or refusing to chase after success at the cost of your soul. These small, faithful choices reveal where our true love lies.
In the end, love for Christ is proven not only in grand sacrifices but in everyday obedience. It means trusting His Word, seeking His will, and following His way, even when no one is watching. To love Jesus above all is to live with an undivided heart, walking faithfully in His footsteps. Whatever we lose for His sake cannot compare to the treasure we gain in Him.
When our love for Jesus becomes supreme, it begins to reorder everything within us. The next step in following Him is to confront the self that so often competes for the throne of our hearts. Love must become surrender. In the next study, – Disciples Exchange Self for Christ – we’ll see how Jesus calls His disciples to deny themselves; not as a loss of identity, but as the pathway to discovering true life in Him.
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
What do you think Jesus meant when He said we must “hate” our family and even our own life to be His disciple?
How does understanding “hate” as a term of a comparison, prioritizing love and loyalty to help clarify this verse?
What does loving Jesus “above all” look like in everyday life?
Can you think of times when following Jesus required you to make difficult choices between Him and something (or someone) else?
Why do you think Jesus often spoke in strong, radical terms about discipleship?
How do these words challenge the idea of “comfortable Christianity”?
What are some modern things that can quietly compete for our love and loyalty to Jesus?
How can we recognize when something, even a good thing has become an idol?
Jesus doesn’t just ask for affection; He calls for commitment.
How can love for Christ motivate our obedience, service, and perseverance more deeply than guilt or obligation?
How can loving Jesus above all actually make us love others better?
In what ways does putting Christ first transform our relationships rather than diminish them?
What practical steps can you take this in your walk to re-center your heart’s priorities on Christ?
What might “loving Jesus above all” look like in your schedule, your decisions, or your relationships?
My name is Michael Adkins. For several decades I’ve been studying Scripture, developing discipleship resources, and teaching others how to walk more closely with Christ. Currently, I serve as the Discipleship Pathway Leader at Riverside International Church in Cascais, Portugal, where my passion is helping believers grow into mature disciples who live out their faith in everyday life.